ERiE
by Loftwing1022
Summary: The Red team is short a few soilders and a ship carrying supposed new recruits crashes at Valhalla. Meanwhile, Church and Maine bicker back and forth for Tex's affections, until Church takes it to far.
1. The Bacon Chronicles

**ERIE**

**By: Meta6184 and Loftwing1022**

_**Chapter 1: The Bacon Chronicles**_

"What are you doing hiding out here?" said Tex to Maine.

"Nothing." Maine replied quickly, holding something behind his back.

Tex asked Maine "What is that?"

"Do I smell bacon?" Tucker said, poking his head into the room.

Maine went wide eyed and just stared at Tucker and said, "You don't get any moron." He closed the door to his room, leaving Tex and Maine alone in the kitchen.

Tex chased Maine through the base saying, "What? You have bacon? And you didn't share any with me?"

"What are you two bickering about?" Church asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Nothing," The two said in muffled unison and halted.

Tex raised her voice, "Maine, share the bacon!"

An alarm went off in the base. It was the special alarm that Church had installed for every time Caboose got into Shelia. It rang a lot.

Maine laughed "I guess you should go hide in the basement Church."

"Way ahead of you," He cried, already halfway to the basement.

Tex snuck up behind Maine as he was laughing at Church and grabbed the plate of bacon.

"Hey!" Maine exclaimed, dashing after Tex while she fled the base. "Bring back my delicious bacon! That's all I have for breakfast!"

Just before Tex got outside, she remembered that Caboose was in the tank and stopped at the door. Maine caught up to her and grabbed her.

Lifting her off the ground and said, "If you give it back I will share it with you, but we have to be fast before Tucker finds us again and tries to get some."

**AT RED BASE**

"What are they doing now?" Griff asked.

Simmons lowered the sniper rifle and replied in his usual slightly condescending tone, "I don't know, as much as I'd like to, I can't see through walls."

Donut came up on the roof and said. "Hey guys, what are you doing?"

"Nothing, "Griff replied, "Don't you have to go decorate the base, Pinky?"

"Yeah" Simmons chimed in.

"It's lightish red!" Donut exclaimed and slinked off muttering. "Rude… I am obviously an Apple Jack, not a Pinkie Pie."

MEANWHILE AT BLUE BASE

"I get 5 pieces, Maine," Tex declared.

"But then there will only be two pieces left," Maine protested.

"You already had three," Tex said.

"Caboose might possibly blow me up again, and you two are arguing about bacon?" Church inquired.

"Not everything is about you, you know," Tex replied.

Maine snarled and threw his combat knife at Church. The knife buried itself deep in the wall next to where his head would be.

"Son of a bitch!" Church exclaimed.

**ELSEWHERE**

"Sheila, what is that sound?" Caboose asked the tank.

"That is the alarm system Church installed last week to alert the blue base if someone is attacking it," The vehicle replied.

"Oh no, I must help my best friend! Where is he?" Caboose asked while exiting the tank

"My scans indicate that he is in the base. Caboose, but I do not advise you going in there." Sheila replied.

"No! Sheila, I must help my best friend!" Caboose said to the tank while grabbing a rocket launcher from the tanks auxiliary weapon holder.

Caboose ran into blue base. Church and Maine in the middle of a fist fight with Tex trying to break them up. Tex noticed Caboose out of the corner of her eye and ran around the corner screaming, "OH SHIT! RUN!"

Church and Maine immediately stopped fighting to see what was wrong and saw Caboose.

Church ran away crying "No! Not again!"

"DAMMIT! WHO GAVE HIM THAT?" Maine bellowed.

Caboose cried, "Get away from Church you bully!" He fired a rocket at Maine.

Maine activated his bubble shield armour ability. The rocket bounced off the shield and flew off down a hallway.

There was an explosion and everyone in the base could hear Church scream, "SON OF A BITCH!"

Maine turned off his shield and Tex rounded the corner to check the damage. Down the hallway was a massive black burn mark on the wall and Church's body.

Tucker walked over to the body and said, "Hey Church, where's your bottom half?" Just as Church re-entered his body.

Church looked at his feet and screamed "Where are my legs?! CABOOSE YOU IDIOT!"

Where Church's legs should have been laid only a pile of motor oil and the knee pad from his armour.

"That wasn't my fault," Caboose said, casting away the rocket launcher.

"Yeah it fucking was!" Church recoiled. "If I still had my legs I would already be strangling you!"

"Do think you can fix him, Tex?" Tucker asked.

"Me?" Tex replied. "Why is it suddenly my responsibility to fix everyone else's problems?"

"So you can't fix him?" Maine said while raised an eyebrow

"Of course I can fix him!" replied a very frustrated Tex.

**BACK AT RED BASE**

"Lopez!" Donut called through the base.

_"Si?"_ He rolled out from under the jeep he was fixing.

"Where is everyone?" Donut asked.

_"They went to blue base to investigate the alarm that went off," Lopez replied in Spanish. "It was pretty hard to miss."_

"Maybe they went to blue base," Donut said, not understanding what Lopez had said. "To see what all the ruckus was about."

_"Ruckus?"_

"Not gnomes, ruckus," Donut chirped. "You robots are so silly sometimes."

He climbed into the Chupathingy and took off. "See you later Lopez," He called over his shoulder.

_"He'd better not break that,"_ Lopez said when Donut was gone.

**BACK TO BLUE BASE**

"I can't fix him." Tex said

"What?! Why not?" Church questioned.

"Maybe it's because you're a real dick sometimes, Church" Maine stated.

"You just said you could!" Tucker said.

"What is all the ruckus about?" Inquired Sister, just having woken up. "Whoa, what happened to him?"

"Blarg?" Junior looked around the base and ran to Tucker.

"I still hate you," Sister said to Junior.

Junior slipped in the puddle of motor oil and landed on his stomach.

"That also wasn't my fault," Caboose added.

"Hey Tucker, your kid is falling on his hands and knees for me," Sister said while grinning.

"Honk!" Junior recoiled.

"Yeah, he looks like you do on Friday nights," Tucker replied with a wink.

"Bow chicka honk honk," Junior chimed in.

"Oh please," Sister laughed.

"That was kind of lame, Tucker," Church muttered.

"What is all the ruckus about, guys?" Donut peeked around the corner.

"Oh God, not him."

"What do you want, Red?" Tucker frowned. He raised his rifle.

"Whoa h-hey," Donut held up his hands, backing up. "Lopez said my team came over here."

"Well, they didn't," Tucker aimed his gun at Donut's head. "Now MOVE IT!"

"Okay! Okay..." He backed out if the base.

"What was that?" Church asked.

"I know, he-"

"He meant you Tucker," Tex cut him off with a glare that could be felt through her helmet.

Tucker lowered the rifle, trying to find a reasonable answer, but found none.

"Are we for the Reds now?" Tucker replied.

Maine took his helmet off and ran his hands through his ginger hair, scratching his scalp.

"I'm going to scout the area." Maine sighed.

He felt slightly bad for Church, seeing as Church had protected Tex more than once while he was out fighting. When his judgement was clouded by the many AI in his mind. Where he was more machine than man. He still had scars from an energy sword that an elite had stabbed through the right side of his chest. He broke the elite's neck without even flinching.

"So who is going to fix my body?" Church asked after Maine had left.

"I will, just need some parts that were destroyed," Tex knelt down to re-examine the severed legs of Church body.

"How long will it take?" Caboose asked.

"I don't know Caboose, Church will be fine," Tex said in a calming voice. "Don't worry."

"Oh..." Caboose replied. "I'm sorry Church. I didn't want you to get hurt."

"Yeah, well..." Church sighed. "Just- just go away before you mess me up more."

Caboose bowed his head and walked out of the base.

**AT RED BASE**

Donut returned from blue base, dragging his feet like a depressed teenager.

"So I guess they just left me then," He muttered to himself. He spotted Lopez and saunter over to him.

"Hey Lopez."

_"What do you want?"_

"Can I ask you something?"

_"No."_

"Thanks," Donut replied. "Where did the others actually go? Did they tell you to tell me they were at blue base?"

_"They told me nothing, I assumed that was where they were going,"_ Lopez said, puzzled

**HALFWAY ACROSS THE CANYON**

Maine's radio blared to life. Tex was trying to reach him.

"Maine, I need you to steal the red team's warthog, we need the parts to fix Church's legs."

"Okay, I'll get it, but no guarantees it will come back in one piece," Maine replied.

"Just try and get it back in the best condition you can," Tex told Maine.

"I'll try that Tex; just count on it will be able to drive ever again," Maine snickered.

"Oh, and be careful Maine," Tex said in a soft voice.

"Is that caring I hear?" Maine replied.

"Shut up you big brute," Tex said in her normal, sassy tone.

"Whatever you say, sweetcheeks," Maine smirked.

"Ugh, Tex over and out," She rolled her eyes and hung up.

Maine tucked his brute shot onto his back, turned on his active camouflage unit and sprinted to red base. Half way there, his camouflage suddenly flickered and died, leaving him exposed to the Reds.

"Hey Griff! Is that Maine running at our base?" Simmons asked.

"Uh... Yeah we should go run and hide in the bunker," Griff replied.

"I don't think so! I'm hitting the base alarm"," Simmons replied.

Griff sighed and said, "I'll get in the hog. You go get Sarge."

Maine could hear the Reds' base alarm from the canyon and he could see the lazy orange one and the seasoned red one approaching the warthog.

He took cover behind a rock, seeing as it was the only close item that could withstand the machine gun long enough to survive for the five minutes that it would take for Tex to come and chase them away.

Just then he realised that if she saved him he would never hear the end of it. He turned on his over shield, grabbed the brute shot from his back and began running at the warthog. The hog's gun was peppering his shields with bullets. When he was five feet away from it he threw his brute shot at Griff who was driving the hog at the moment.

Griff shouted, "SON OF A BITCH!"

With the two and a half foot long blade inches away from his face, it got buried deep in the windshield. He stopped the hog, got out, and fired his rifle at Maine to no avail.

Maine's armor was telling him that his shield still had enough power to survive a rocket blast so he kept advancing. He noticed his over shields had flared and died just like his active camoflauge. He needed to fix whatever was wrong with his armour when he got back.

Maine rolled behind a nearby rock and shouted at the Reds, "Is that all you got!?"

Maine knew he couldn't destroy the hog, but he needed Sarge off the gun so he could move.

Maine looked around for something he could use as a weapon seeing as his brute shot was still in the windshield of the hog. He saw a rock about the size of a grenade and he threw it up and down in his hands before he turned around. He threw it into Sarge's helmet.

"DAMMIT, MAINE YOU BROKE MY VISOR!" Sarge screamed.

Maine turned around the rock and ran at Griff when he heard a loud bang and there was a pain in the right side of his lower abdomen. He retreated behind the rock.

He looked down. There was a hole in his armour and he was bleeding a fair amount. He had been shot by Simmons, who was still on Red base with the sniper rifle.

"Oh my god! I actually hit him!"

He activated his radio and called Tex

"Tex, I'm pinned down. Simmons got me with a sniper can you get here quick?"

"He actually hit you?" Tex said surprised. "I'll be there ASAP. Hold tight."

"Yeah, it went low though. I was focused on the orange one. Can you help me I'm losing lots of blood" Maine said

"Yes, just hold on," Tex replied in urgency.

The 30 seconds it took for Tex to arrive felt like an hour to Maine in the first couple seconds. Griff and Sarge turned the corner and started to close in on him in hand to hand. Maine knew he could hold them off long enough. Sarge turned around the corner first Maine surprised him by grabbing the shotgun from his hands and hitting him in the chest with it. Griff came next with his battle rifle. Maine used the shotgun like a bat to hit the rifle away from Griff and threw the shotgun away and held the two off. Sarge got up and punched Maine in the bullet wound in his side. Griff began to punch him in the head.

Maine was getting woozy from the blood loss. He fell down and covered his head.

Tex came over the hill just to see Maine fall. She ran at the two reds screaming at the pop of her lungs.

Griff and Sarge turned and said at the same time, "Oh shit..."

Tex threw her combat knife into Griff's knee, burying it to the handle. Griff fell screaming in pain.

She ran at Sarge with her fists up and began to punch him furiously. He was bordering unconsciousness when she let up and let him fall to the ground. She looked at Maine and saw how much blood he lost. He was in shock. She picked him up to the best of her abilities and slung his arm over around her neck and over her shoulder. Tex dragged him into the warthog she placed him in the passenger seat and she heard the bang of a sniper rifle she rolled to her right and pulled out her pistol and fired three shots at Simmons.

Simmons screamed, "Son of a bitch!" She sprinted over to the warthog and stopped halfway to it and turned around to the crying Griff. He was trying to pull the knife out of his leg and was crying like a baby. She walked over to him and kneeled next to him and pulled the knife out.

Griff screamed between tears, "You... Bitch."

Tex looked at his face and said in a soft tone, "Poor baby. Here, I'll make the pain stop."

She stood up and kicked him in the balls and Griff screamed like a small child.

"Oh please."

Tex punched him in the head, knocking him out cold.

She got back into the warthog and drove Maine back to blue base.

* * *

**I hoped you liked the first chapter. I don't know how fast we can get the other chapters up, so bear with us. If you liked please leave a review. Your feedback is very much appreciated. Have an awesome day!**


	2. Cynic's Mind

_Chapter 2: Cynic's Mind_

"Maine..."

He could hear Tex calling him, but he couldn't move for the life of him.

"Maine..."

She sounded concerned. Was that really Tex?

Maine slowly opened his eyes, but everything was blurry. Tex's dirty blonde hair hung over his face.

"Maine!" Tex gasped. "Oh thank God."

"Ouch..."

He lay on a metal stretcher in a tool shed looking room.

"Just hold still and I can fix this," Tex said, tucking a bit of stray hair behind her ear. "You're okay, don't panic. Just don't panic..."

"Yeah Tex, don't panic," Maine grimaced and grinned somehow.

"Shut- I mean..." Tex caught herself. She pulled a device out of a box on the workbench.

She aimed it at his wound and it lit up red. An intense burning sensation crawled up Maine's side. He cried out and the light changed to green.

"Thanks... For... The warning," He gasped, chest moving heavily up and down.

"Sorry," Tex clenched her teeth.

"I still can't feel my legs," Maine breathed.

"Welcome to my world," Church sighed. His body was laid beside him, but he leaned in the corner as a spirit.

"Hey at least I can survive a blast like that or even being shot like I was," Maine replied. "And I didn't just... Fall to pieces."

"Oh whatever," Church recoiled. "Just this morning you threw a knife at my head!"

"I got shot in the hip getting shit to fix your goddamn body!" Maine exclaimed.

"It wasn't my fault!" Church snired.

"And it wasn't mine either!" Caboose added.

"SHUT UP CABOOSE!" Both cried.

"You know, things were a lot better before you showed up," Church said to Maine and walked away.

"Alright, be like that, you ghost! Just remember, I was doing you a favor when I could've let you be half a bot," Maine shouted after him. "I could've hit you with that knife if I wanted to!"

"Go fuck yourself," Church mumbled. "Mr. Fancy Freelancer, AI ingesting, psychopath..."

Maine growled and grabbed Tex's combat knife and threw it through the head of his spirit.

"ARGH! THAT'S IT!" Church lunged at Maine.

"Church!" Tex stepped in front of Church, but he passed through her and into Maine.

**AT RED BASE**

"Ooooow!"

"Oh, will you shut up Griff!" Sarge growled.

"Easy for you to say," Griff snarled. "She didn't throw a fucking knife into you're knee!"

"She must've missed then," Simmons raised an eyebrow. He held a bandage against his arm where Tex had shot him.

"What do mean-" Griff realized what he meant. "Fuck you, Simmons!"

"Good one," Sarge said.

"Thank you, sir." Simmons said in his usual kiss-up tone

"That Maine character sure is strong," Sarge observed.

"No shit!"

"I actually shot him, sir!" Simmons said excitedly.

"Was that you?" Sarge raised his eyebrows. "Well, good job private Simmons."

"Oh just shut up and help me!" Griff urged impatiently.

"Fine!" Sarge said. "But you asked for it."

He remove a needle for the military grade first aid kit on the table beside him.

"No no no wait!"

**BACK TO CHURCH**

"Okay," Church said to himself as he wandered through Maine's mind. "Where are you hiding?"

He crawled up a steep hill and looked over the top.

BOOM

An explosive went off next to Church, sending him flying backwards. He hit a large tree and slumped to the ground. Church climbed to his feet and glanced around.

He as in the middle of a war zone. Men shot at each other on either side with the same kind of guns. Rifles.

"Hey!" He heard someone call. "Get down soldier!"

Church followed orders and crawled over to the base nearest him.

"What do you think you're doing, standing out in the open?" What looked to be a commanding officer asked. "You could've been killed!"

"Captain!" A soldier cried to the captain over the gunfire.

"Maine?" Church asked.

"That's me," He replied. "Did I know you?"

Another explosion shook the ground and three men to their right died in the blast.

"No, you have a reputation as a soldier though," Church lied trying to see what Maine's mind was playing at.

"Hey, Freelancer! Those eight soldiers you were sent here to kill were spotted across the battlefield!" The Captain bellowed at Maine between shots.

Maine nodded and jumped out of the trench and fired his rifle at the approaching wave of enemies. Church followed and so did three other soldiers.

"You all should stay, I won't hold it against you," He told the others after they killed the enemy squad.

"I'm coming with you," Church replied. He did not want to get lost in here.

The other soldiers grumbled amongst themselfs before one said they agreed with Church.

"Alright, we need two warthogs then," Maine said to the marines and Church.

Two of the marines ran back into the base and pulled out, each of them driving a standard warthog with a machine gun turret. Maine got in the first hog's passenger seat and told Church to get on the gun. The other marine to got on the gun of the second hog. Now all five members of the team where loaded in the hogs and driving across the wasteland of a battlefield. There were destroyed tanks or warthogs every 20 or so feet and a crashed burning falcon or hornet every fifty.

This war had completely decimated the land.

They would run into a squad every five minutes and the machine guns would rip through the enemy's armour and flesh. After about two hours of driving the group pulled over to eat and switch drivers. Maine put a pot of stew over the fire they made then started to sharpen a two and a half foot long machete. That was stained with blood.

_This nothing like Caboose's mind,_ Church thought then realized how stupid that sounded.

Where was everyone? He knew he had to be here somewhere, along was Tucker, Caboose and the Reds. Tex was probably here too...

"Who are you, anyway?" Maine said, breaking into Church's thoughts.

"I'm..."

Your friend? Your teammate? The guy who almost got you killed again?

"No one," He decided.

"And you three, what are your names?" Maine asked the soldiers

"Private Simmons," One replied.

"Tucker," Another said.

"Allison," The last said in a extremely familiar voice.

In fact, the one who sounded different was her. Everyone else had the same voice, moved the same way, seemed to think the same way.

"Tex? Didn't the director tell you to stay aboard the ship?" Maine asked Tex.

"Director?" Church replied quickly.

"That's classified, soldier!" Maine snapped.

Tex laughed and said "What does it matter? He is plastered all over the media anyway."

"Leonard Church! Leader of the Free!" Simmons said in an announcer-like tone.

"Yeah, Freelancers," Tucker said before he was cut off by Maine.

"Tex, why did you disobey orders?" Maine asked.

"Because I hate being out of the action! I don't understand why the Director is so... Protective of me! I can handle my own!" She complained in an annoyed tone.

Maine took his helmet off and ran his fingers through the length of his red mohawk.

He took the pot of stew off the fire and poured everyone a bowl of it and handed them around the fire. Tucker took his helmet off first. He was a black man with short curly brown hair and brown eyes. Simmons took his off at almost the same time. He was white with brown hair and blue eyes. Tex was the last to take her helmet off before looking around for half a minute and being teased by Tucker for being paranoid about snipers.

They ate fast. Maine was first to be done eating and Allison was the last. She still had some left in her bowl.

They sat around for a couple minutes before Church asked her, "Are you sure the Director isn't your father or something like that?"

"Yes, I am! My father died in a hospital bed when I was twelve!" Tex snapped. "Enough chit chat, let's MOVE!"

"You heard the lady," Maine said when the others looked to him. "Let's go."

"Well, I definitely know who wears the pants in your relationship," Tucker snickered.

_How much does Maine really know about the Director? _Church wondered.

They went on, Tex and Simmons driving the hogs. They pulled over a little while later.

Maine said, "The compound is ahead the marines will stay with the hog. Me and Tex will charge in the front door. The 7 enemy's are code named Theta, Iota, Eta, Delta, Sigma, Gamma and Omega are inside. They are the leaders of the enemy army."

It was Maine's job to kill them. He was happy to have Tex helping him though she was his best friend in the program and she was a great soldier.

"Alright Tex, let's go," Maine said.

"Okay," Tex replied with a small tinge of excitement in her voice.

The two ran up to the compounds main gate and placed a explosive on it.

"I'm coming with you," Church slid in behind Maine.

"Wha- Fine!" Maine hissed.

Tex counted down, "Three….Two….One!"

She activated the explosive and they stormed into the enemy base.

Alarms blared and soldiers rounded the corner. Tex and Maine took out most of them with their rifles. They ducked under a falling door. The base was locking down.

They were in the armory when the next group of enemies appeared. Maine looked around and quickly grabbed a weapon. A brute shot, about two and a half feet long.

"Really suits you," Church admired.

Maine rushed forward and swung the weapon in a long arche. It sliced through six of the soldiers.

"Yeah!"

Tex rolled over Maine's shoulder and shot the remaining officers.

No wonder Maine wanted Tex along, they were like a well-oiled machine.

They rushed to the command center of the base. The door was already sealed and more men came at them.

"Get the door open!" Maine ordered Church.

Tex advanced and grabbed one of men, breaking his arm and throwing him at three others. Maine dodges return fire and took out two with his brute shot.

"How the fu-?" Church stopped and dodged a bullet. It hit the control panel. It sizzled and the door opened.

"Wow," Church raised his eyebrows. "Door's open!"

Maine finished one and Tex punch out another. They rushed through the door and it closed behind them. The room was thrown into complete darkness.

A flicker of light appeared to their right. An armored being glowed green and a purple lit up behind them. One after another, they surrounded them. They stood as giants and looked down on them.

"Did you really think you could destroy us, Meta?" They snarled in condescence. "We will always be in control."

"Sh-shut up!" Maine stepped back.

Tex threw a knife at Omega. He caught it between his fingers.

"ALWAYS!" He screeched as he whipped the knife at Maine.

Church reacted and stepped in front of Maine. The combat knife lodged itself in his stomach. Blood dripped on to the ground and he fell.

"NOOOO!" Maine cried as Church fell to his knees. Maine ran at the AI and sliced into it with the brute shot. The blade cutting it in half. The six other AI charged him. He cut into and shot 3 of them, when the last four attacked Tex. Maine looked over his shoulder just in time to see one of the AI shoot Tex several times in the chest and once in the head. Maine lost is mind and charged the AI with his guard down.

He was shot in the left shoulder and his right leg, knocking him to his knees. The remaining AI drifted over to him.

"You fail. You always fail..." They said before firing their weapons at him.

Everything faded to blackness and Church woke up.


	3. Perfect Landing

**My name is Loftwing1022 and I HATE GOOGLE DRIVE! (Hope you enjoy the chapter nevertheless) I flipped when I saw the first favorite of the story, so a big thanks to The Happy Riolu for making my day.**

_-Loftwing_

* * *

_**Chapter 3: Perfect Landing**_

"Church! How could you?!" Tex cried.

"Wh-what?" Church got up off the floor.

"You ASS!" Tex screamed. "You can't just invade people's minds like that!"

"Tex," Maine said. He was sitting up on the metal bench. "It's okay."

Tex fell silent.

"Why did you do that?" Maine asked. "It wouldn't have hurt me."

"I-I don't know..." Church said shakily.

"You okay?"

"I..." Church started to reply, but he frowned and shook his head. "Nevermind. It was just me being dumb."

"You're being ridiculous!" Maine said.

"What happened?" Tex asked.

"Omega threw a knife and Church stepped in front if it," Maine replied.

Tex looked at Church's body. It had both the legs reattached. Church hopped back into it. He thanked Tex for the he went onto the roof of the base with his sniper rifle and talked to Tucker about the last Grifball game as if nothing happened.

Caboose decided to play with a rock he painted a face on and named Jimmy.

A few hours later Church got annoyed with Caboose and decided to go downstairs and look for Maine and Tex seeing as they didn't always talk about sex and drugs like Sister or Tucker.

Although Maine was scary at times and if he pissed Tex off too they could both rip him apart without even trying. When he went inside, he saw Maine and Tex in the living room. Maine had his arm around Tex they were watching a movie from the 21st century called Identity Thief. They loved that show. It was the one thing they protected to the point no one touched the disc other than the two themselves. They were both laughing.

Church decided to sit down and watch the movie, not thinking much about it.

"What are you guys watching?" He plopped himself down beside Tex. "Oh Tucker loves this movie! Hey Tucker! We're watching a movie!"

"Sweet!" Tucker jumped onto the couch beside Maine.

"Did someone say movie?" Sister appeared around the corner.

"Blarg?" Junior peeked around her leg.

"Why do you keep following me?" She squealed.

"Come sit was daddy, Junior," Tucker extended his hands and picked him up

"I'm going to go," said Maine, releasing his arm from around Tex and standing up.

"Come on Maine," Tex smiled. "Watch the movie with us, it won't be that bad."

"Honk," Junior agreed.

"Fine, I'll stay," Maine growled, whilst sitting back down and wrapping his arm around Tex and leaning back into the couch.

_Dammit! _Church thought. _Wait, why do I care what Tex does with her love life?_

Tex leaned closer to Maine.

_Control yourself, Church,_ He thought. _It's none of your business anyway_.

A little while later, it got dark out and the only light on was the TV.

Sister was asleep beside Tucker and Junior snored in Tucker lap. Caboose was munching on popcorn, sitting in front the couch.

Church was watching the movie, Tex and Maine where talking to each other. She put her head on his shoulder and sighed. He looked over to her and lifted her head up with the tips of his fingers,he gently brought her luscious red lips up to his lips and slowly turned his head and kissed her, She kissed him back, closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around his head. He moved his hands from her chin and started to move them through her broke her lips from his.

"I love you."

He gave her a loving hug that felt like it lasted forever.

Church looked away and huffed in frustration.

"Get a room," He stood up and walked off.

Maine smiled a bit and Tex giggled.

"Shall we be off?" Maine teased.

"I think we shall," Tex said, playing along.

"Aright than," Maine said.

He lifted Tex up carrying her bridal style into his room then locked the door.

"Goodnight..." Caboose yawned in his usually cheerful and clueless tone of voice.

**AT RED BASE**

"Hey Simmons, how are you doing?" Donut asked.

"I'm fine Donut, now what do you want?" Said a sleepy Simmons.

"I want your opinion on the new curtains my room," Donut replied.

"Go away Donut," Simmons said in an annoyed tone.

"Why does everyone hate me?!" Donut snapped. "What did I ever do to you? To any of you?!"

Simmons blinked, taken aback by Dount's sudden out burst.

"While you are off fighting pointless battles, I'm here! Cleaning the base, keeping it in order so that you don't have to!" Donut ranted. "Do you know what it's like to clean up after Griff everyday? No one should know, no one should have to! All I wanted was your opinion on my curtains and what do I get?! Go away, Donut..."

He sighed and sat down in the chair next to Simmons.

"That's all I've ever heard. From my family, my classmates, my so-called friends. I thought joining the military would make things better. Being far away from all that, start again and doing something useful with my life, I thought maybe stuff like personality or charisma wouldn't matter, but I guess... It still does."

Donut looked down at his feet. His boots shone as he had just polished them.

"I'm sorry," Donut said quickly. "I shouldn't have said that. I-"

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked up.

"If anyone should be apologizing, it's Griff," Simmons smiled faintly. "But since he's not here, will you accept mine?"

"On one condition," Donut replied. "You tell me if my new indigo curtains look good or if I should go with the maroon."

**OUTSIDE RED BASE**

"Did you, uh, see the Grifball game last night?" Sarge asked awkwardly.

"Yeah it was- it was okay, yeah," Grif fidgeted.

"I give up, SIMMONS!" Sarge bellowed.

"On my way, sir!" He squeaked from inside the base.

He rushed outside and was followed by Donut.

"What were you guys doing in there," Griff grimaced.

"Picking out curtains," Donut replied.

"You make everything way more awkward than necessary," Simmons sighed.

"Do... Do you guys see that?" Griff asked, looking up above the base.

"You need to get your eyes checked," Simmons replied. "There's nothing there."

"Actually there is something up there," Donut cut in. "It looks like a ship... Wow, is it ever falling fast!"

"Wait, falling?" Sarge started listening. "Donut, Simmons, get inside the base. Griff, you stay right here."

The three of them hurried into the base. Griff followed after, crying in a panicked tone, "Screw that!"

Amount the stars was an aircraft of unknown origin, falling out of the dark sky, straight towards Valhalla.

_CRASH_

The ship collided with the ground and the sound shook the entire canyon.

Tucker jumped, waking Sister and Junior.

"Blarg..?" He yawned.

"Yeah, what gives?" Sister rubbed her eyes.

"I dunno, I'll go check," Tucker sighed.

Tucker walked outside with the sniper rifle then looked at Red base and saw the ship it seemed to be okay, but he couldn't get the zoom to work and decding not to try and use it, he called Church up to look at the ship.

"This better be good, Tucker or I'm gonna shoot you in the foot again," a underslept Church slurred.

"Here have a look yourself." Tucker said while handing Church the sniper.

Church zoomed in on the ship and glanced around the wreck. The Reds were already there, routing through the wreckage.

"Damnit!" Church frowned. "They already called dibs on it!"

"I bet Tex and Maine could fix that," Sister said smugly.

"I'll wake them up," Church said.

Church was hesitant to wake Tex and Maine up not just because he remembered how Tex likes to sleep in (and around) and Maine...Well, Maine was scary as all hell anyway.

He had his hand on his pistol when he knocked on the door, knowing it would probably only piss Maine off. He heard Tex yell "Give us a minute!"

"We don't have a minute!" Church called back, leaning on the door. "Tell your buddy Maine to get his ass up too!"

"Well I'm no good without my armour on, now am I?" Hollered Maine.

"What the hell man?! Too much info!" Church hollered back.

"Both of you can it and Maine, get dressed!" Church snarled.

"We'll be out as soon as we can" Tex said.

Church said, "Fuck it!" then opened the door he walked in on Maine helping Tex get her chest plate on.

"Jesus Christ!" Church Screamed

"Oh my God!" Tex jumped a foot. "Get the fuck out!"

Maine reached for his combat knife and pulled it from its sheath

"I'm going!" Church raised his hands in surrender. "I'm going..."

"Good."

"Just hurry up before the Red team calls dibs on the crashed ship," He sighed.

"Ship?" Tex peeked out through the doorway, now fully dress, save her helmet.

"Yeah, a military-"

Maine and Tex shot out of the room, down the hall an out of the base.

"...Ship."

**AT THE CRASH SITE**

"So?"

"So what?"

"Do you think it's worth calling dibs on?"

"I don't know, ask Lopez," Simmons said to Grif.

"Hey Lopez!" He hollered to the nearby base. "Is the ship worth calling..!" He took another breath. "Calling dibs on!"

_"I don't know!"_ He called back.

"Si or no?" Sarge yelled slowly, breaking the syllables.

_"Oh my- Si!"_

"He said yes," Grif informed Simmons. "Will you do the honors?"

"Finally, you've found respect for a sup-"

"You're to slow," Grif cut him off. "Di-"

"DIBS!" Church cried stopping after Tex and Maine came to a halt.

"Aw, C'OMN!"

The sound of ripping steel rumbled from in the belly of the wreckage and everyone fell silent. Another of the tear of metal and a large thunk. As suddenly as it started it stopped...

An arm shot through the outer layer of the ship, armor gleeming in the rising sun.

It flexed and bent the wall of steel trapping it like aluminum. It pulled the rest of its shoulder and a head followed.

The soilders grabbed the edge of the steel and collapsed it in on itself. They dived back down for a moment and appeared again, dragging a another officer behind them.

"Son of... A bitch..."


	4. The United States of Canada

**Chapter 4: The United States of Canada**

"We called dibs," Church raised an eyebrow. "On even more Reds?"

"Whatta mean we?" Tucker remarked.

He was right. The first officer was the color of rust and the other, a very light orange.

"See now, that is orange," Grif waved a hand at the second.

"Thanks for pointing that out, dumbass," Sarge replied.

"Um... Help, please," The orange rasped.

"Oh, yeah, sorry," Grif managed and climbed up to them, pulling the orange out of the ship. Simmons followed and helped the rust out. The rust slid to the bottom, landed sitting on the

gravel. The orange stuck the landing.

"So..." The rust said awkwardly from the ground. "Y'all are the Red team? This all 'a you?"

"Yeah... Well no," Simmons replied. "Private Donut and Lopez are in the base, but other than that..."

"Well, nice to meet y'all," Rust clambered to his feet. "

"Who are these guys?" Orange said out of breath, gesturing at the Blues.

"Yeah, we're- we're the ones you're trying to kill, key word there being try," Church replied, already irritated by this morning's circumstances. "So, yeah, I'm Church, the light-blue, tealish one is Tucker, and the dark blue is Caboose."

"Hi," Caboose waved slightly.

"The yellow one is Grif's sister and the- I don't even know is Junior, Tucker's kid," Church continued.

The two looked from Junior to Tucker and back again.

"Blarg honk honk," Junior said nervously.

"Oh... Kay..."

"I'm Maine and this is Tex," He nodded a bit.

"Wait, Tex?" Rust stopped. "As in Agent Texas?"

"Well... Yes, but-"

"Then you're... Oh God... Meta..."

"Roar," Maine teased.

"Okay!" Rust exclaimed abruptly. "We best be on our way now! Things ta do, bases ta tour!"

He and Orange pushed the Reds back toward the base.

"Looks like our little meet-and-greet is over," Tucker snickered. "Back to base then."

"That was weird..." Tex remarked.

**IN RED BASE**

"Stop pushing!" Grif protested.

"Stop squirming," Rust sputtered.

"What was that?" Simmons demanded.

Orange pulled the base door shut and leaned against it.

"We have a door?"

"That's- that's the goddamn Meta!" Orange hissed in a hush. "You- you don't know who the Meta is, do you?"

"Who? Maine?"

"You-" He rubbed the back of his head, then stooped down and walked toward the taken aback group.

"The Meta is a dangerous, psychotic, ex-Freelancer," Orange talked with his hands, frantically at the moment. "You telling me you have never heard of him?"

"Yeah, we know he's fucking dangerous," Grif scowled. "He stole our warthog."

"Oh-ho! He's done far worse!" Orange cried.

"Wait, are you a girl?" Grif realized.

"Yeah," Orange replied in a huff.

"I can fight with Grif by my side, but I draw the line at fighting with girls," Sarge walked off, hands raised.

"How old is he?" Orange asked.

"47," Simmons exclaimed.

"You would know, kiss-ass."

"Anyway we have to avoid him at all costs," She continued.

"Too late," Simmons sigh, rubbing his arm.

"Done," Grif growled at the same time.

"'Kay than," Orange relaxed a little. "You should probably know our names if we're gonna work together."

"I'm Agent Alberta," Rust smiled and said in a down-home kind of southern accent. "And this here is Agent Erie."

"If it's all the same to you I'm just going you Alberta," Simmons replied.

"What going-?" Donut rounded the corner and stopped when he say the two new Red team members. "Oh..."

"And who might you be, little lady," Alberta asked.

Grif snickered and Simmons bit his lip. Oh no...

"I-uh, I'm private Donut," He stuttered, fight back the urge to get angry.

"D'oh, so sorry I- I didn't-"

"No, it's okay," Donut sighed. "It's just the armor."

He sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than Alberta.

**MEANWHILE AT BLUE BASE**

"GODDAMNIT! TWO MORE REDS!" Church screamed.

"Oh, calm down Church, I could kill them with my bare hands," Maine chuckled.

"No shit, Maine. Your hands are as big as my fucking feet!" Tex said sarcastically.

Maine laughed and said "Hey Tex, you wanna go test the fresh meat and see if its up to par?"

"Yeah why not?" She smiled deviously.

They pulled on their helmets and strode off.

"Motherfucker..." Church mumbled to himself.

"What wrong, Church?"

"Jesus, Caboose!" Church spun around and scolded. "Don't sneak up on me! I could have shot your head off!"

"Aww, you do care," Sister touched her heart in mock affection.

"Shut it!"

"Testy..." Tucker raised his eyebrows.

Church growled and raised his rifle.

"Okay," Tucker surrendered. "Sorry."

He lowered the gun slightly and marched off after the Freelancers.

"What was that about?" Sister looked to Tucker.

"I... I don't know," He replied, just as confused. "He's never acted like that before..."

**ACROSS THE CANYON**

They are growing restless... Church thought. What do I tell them? How do I make them believe..?

The gravel crunched under his boots as he marched, head down.

Damn this place is empty, Alberta thought, marching across the canyon. Where the hell is she?

The two collided, not paying attention and stumbled back. They raise their guns at the same time, aimed at each other.

"You're the new guy," Church didn't move.

"Yep," Alberta didn't either. "You the Blue leader?"

"I like to think I am," Church replied.

"There he is!" They heard Tex cry across the canyon.

"Shit!"

"Damn!"

"What? Their after you? Whatever!"

The two ran in opposite directions and Tex charged after Alberta.

Alberta turned and raised his rifle to Tex. Church stopped and kicked the rifle out of his hands. Alberta punched him in the chest and Church flew 20 feet. Tex punched Alberta in the head and Alberta swung at Tex. She ducked under the punch and hit him in the chest. Alberta kicked her feet out from under her and kicked her in the ribs. Tex flew sideways and stopped midair.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" Alberta exclaimed.

Maine turned his active camouflage unit off and appeared slowly and gently put Tex down.

He looked up and growled at Alberta. He began cursing and pulled his pistol from it's holster. He fired at maine. Maine dodged the bullets and ran at Alberta.

He raised his fistsnto the standard position. Maine slammed into Alberta sending him flying.

He landed on his side. He stumbled to his feet then threw a punch at Maine.

He blocked the and went to kick Alberta in his chest, but he sidestepped and punched Maine in the side of the head. Maine grabbed Alberta and began to choke him.

Alberta grabbed Maine's hand suddenly and ripped it off his throat. Maine cried out in pain and held his broken hand.

"I'm not scared of you anymore," Alberta breathed menacingly.

Maine chuckled, "You haven't seen anything yet."

He pulled a knife out of the sheath and charged Alberta. He slashed the new agent's arm and chest, going clean through the armour and cutting deep. Alberta cried out in pain.

He growled and grit his teeth. He threw a punch at Maine and he dodged. Maine kicked at Alberta and he flipped out of the way.

"So... Should we help them?" Church asked Tex as the two continued fighting.

"Nah."

Alberta slid a foot and stopped. He glanced behind him and smiled. Maine charged at Alberta. He held his ground until the last second as Maine swung. He lowered his right shoulder and Erie came flying at Maine, kicking him in the face.

Maine stumbled back and Tex raced to his side, ready to fight the newcomer and even the odds.

"Bring it on," Tex taunted.

"You asked for it," Erie smirked.

Tex held her ground and taunted Erie.

"'Tsk 'tsk, thinking it's a good idea to attack me. I'm a legend amongst soldiers."

Erine charged at Tex and swung at her head. Tex raised an arm to block the swing and braced it with her other hand. The punch from Erie landed on Tex's forarm and bounced off with a metalic thud. Tex kicked Erie in her shin causeing Erie to fall over. Erie covered her head with her arms to block the array of punches that followed.

Alberta, while trying to avoid being stabbed by Maine saw that Erie was taking a beating. While he was distracted, Maine tripped Alberta and crouched over him and went to stab Alberta in the throat. Alberta grabbed Maines wrist with both hands and tried to stop him and they struggled in this position for several seconds until Alberta reached for a rock to the left of him.

Just before Maine stabbed, Alberta swung the rock into the side of Maine's helmet. Alberta stood up and threw the rock at Tex.

It hit Tex her visor. She cried out and fell off of Erie, clutching her head.

Maine grabbed Alberta's arm at the elbow and begain to bend it in ways that no arm should bend. Alberta tried to get Maine's hand off him, but Maine wasn't stopping.

He was fueled by hatred and anger and was determined on breaking his opponents arm. Alberta tried to turn to punch Maine, but it had the reverse effect. His arm broke and popped out of its socket with a loud, sickening cracking noise. Maine hit him over the head, knocking him out.

Alberta lay on the ground while Maine turned to face Tex. She lay, motionless and silent.

Erie came flying at Maine, pulling her pistol off of the meg strip on her thigh. Maine rolled over to his brute shot and tried to hold it with both hands forgetting one was broken. He opted just to throw it at her so he raised his arm, weapon in hand to throw it.

"Stop!"


End file.
